October 29, 2013

Random Thoughts: Day 29

I sat on the bathroom floor, tears streaming down my face. My hands were white knuckle clenched around my hopes and dreams as they faded away. The absence of a little pink line, and my world felt like it was falling apart all over again.

Each month that showed one line instead of two ached in the pit of my gut just like another loss. One more month without life in my womb felt like a lifetime. It had always been so easy before. Why was it taking so long this time? God took my son from me the day he was born. Didn't I deserve another baby? Didn't God owe me?

In those moments with no understanding of why and a desperate desire for a child, having a baby became a god in my life. I wanted a child more than I wanted Jesus. There were moments of weakness when the pain was so much that I might have given up Jesus just to have my son back. Lord, forgive me.

Read more HERE at Hope Mommies

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