June 28, 2013

Noah's Story

If you haven't noticed yet, I am the worst kind of blogger. I am a blogger who doesn't blog. With the best of intentions, I set this space up, but life gets in the way, and before you know it, a whole week has gone by and I've yet to write a word.

Except for Friday. I am always sure to write my Five Minute Friday post.

As I was getting ready to "link up" yesterday, I realized that every Friday, I seem to be writing about the same thing. Maybe that's what a writer does. They have a subject that they write about the most because it's what they know. It's who they are. And maybe that's what I do when I sit down and receive the prompt and more weeks than not, it some how always comes back to Noah.

I've never told his story here in this space, and the blog that I wrote the year after he went to Jesus is now only kept as a personal journal of my grief. So, I thought it was time that I told you who Noah is, and how he changed me forever.

 ***

In early 2010, I learned I was pregnant for a second time. It wasn't too long before we learned it was a son. He was to be named Noah. He had a slight umbilical hernia and we had elected to deliver by c-section for his safety.

So the morning came, when I was 39 weeks pregnant, and we left the house to go meet our son. When we arrived to the hospital I gowned up and they put on the electronic fetal monitors. But no heartbeat was heard, and after some time, they brought in the ultrasound machine to confirm what in the depths of my soul I already knew. My sons body lived in my womb, but his soul lived with Jesus.

We cancelled the c-section and I was able to deliver him about 12 hours later. It was revealed at this point that he had gotten badly tangled in his cord, likely while I was sleeping the night before.

It's all kind of a blur from there. Decisions were made and rivers of tears were shed. It took all I had to remember to breathe. But I do remember what he looked like. I remember holding him and singing him the songs I had sung to his sister.

"Jesus, lover of my soul. Jesus, I will never let you go. You've taken me from the miry clay, set my feet upon the rock and now I know that I love you. I need you. Though my world may fall, I'll never let you go. You're my Savior, my closest friend. I will worship you until the very end."

And we never did let Him go. We never did look away. We clung to Jesus with what little strength we had. And He was faithful. He never left us. He comforted and provided and He redeemed.

***

As I read through the comments on my FMF posts about Noah, I notice that I receive condolences and tears. But, please!

Don't say you're sorry. Don't feel bad for me. Don't cry tears of sorrow.

Because my son, He LIVES! And I know that one day I will hold Him in Paradise.

My son, He is the single biggest influence on my relationship with God. He points me back to Him time and time again. He showed me that God is good and faithful and that He loves me. That His plans are better than mine. That His promises are true. That when I am not enough, He is. That He is MORE than enough for me. That when my world falls, He will not let me go. He never fails.

You see, my son, He changed me for Eternity.

Even when my heart aches, and my arms are aching with emptiness. Even when I long to have that almost 3 year old boy annoying his sisters. Even when my family feels incomplete and I'm homesick for Heaven. Even then, I know that my son is a blessing. And sometimes God's biggest blessings are the ones that are hard fought and well cried over. Because you have to die in order to be resurrected. The Lord has resurrected my faith and my soul and He will resurrect my sons body on that Glorious Day!

So please, don't feel sorry for me. You don't need to offer condolences, because I didn't lose anything.
I know right where my son is. And it's all been for the Glory of God.

"And the storm may swell even then it is well and You are good."



3 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing about your glory baby. I love to see where your heart is in all of this...at rest in knowing He is good...
    (((hugs)))

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  2. Beautiful post! Such wisdom, truth, promise and faith. Bless you for sharing and giving me a fresh perspective xxxx

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  3. Hi Kelly! I am so happy for you that you can see the beauty in the carrying of Noah. (Love the name, by the way!) I was so impressed with your faith. I worked in an busy OB?GYNE office for 12 years, and I know how devastating your kind of news can be.

    Thank you for sharing your faith.

    Peace in Christ,
    Ceil

    ReplyDelete

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