April 10, 2013

Not Alone

My throat was tight and my stomach turned as I paced between my kitchen and my living room. Each pass took me right by the front door as I eagerly and nervously awaited cars. I prayed for cars.

God had told me to extend the invitation. I had felt it in the depths of my heart that I needed to open my home. But what if no one came?

My entire life, girl friends has been a short list for me. At this particular point in my life, I was feeling lonely and isolated. Motherhood was hard and with a brand new baby, I felt like I was drowning some days and no one understood me. My husband could be supportive, but he had no idea what it meant to have to use the bathroom with a baby latched on your breast because you just couldn't even find a minute for yourself. I needed someone who had been witness to as many meltdowns and pairs of soiled underwear as I had.

Months prior, I wrote the word "Friends" on a slip of paper that was then attached to a paper chain at our church's Christmas Eve service. It was my prayer for the upcoming year. That God would provide me with someone to have a meaningful relationship with.

So there I was awaiting the first meeting of the book club that I initiated, not even realizing what was before me. I was nearly paralyzed with fear that I would be sitting in my living room alone that night. Or even worse, ONE person would show up. One lone person to witness the rejection and humiliation.

Two women showed up that night. And I survived. I did not melt or fall apart. I did not spontaneously combust. I lived through it. And actually, had a great night.

Two weeks later, 5 women entered my home and I'm not sure any of us had any idea what we had walked into. This was not just any book club. This was the beginning of something bigger than that.

Over the past few months, bonds and friendships have formed. We have learned to trust one another and true community has been built. Prayer requests, praises, as well as daily groans and encouragement happen in a group of women who not all that long ago were feeling desperate. And there are days when we still feel that way, but we know that we don't have to do it alone.

We were created to live together in community and to share our lives with others, yet we live in such an isolationist society. I'm not even sure that before we started meeting that any of us realized just how much we needed each other. It was like it had never dawned on us that us moms need to stick together. We need to be there for each other in real ways.

In the "My little one needs to see the doctor, can you sit with the others so I don't have to drag them all?" way. In the "I'm feeling lonely and if I don't have an adult conversation soon my head will explode" kind of way. In the "I just need to get out of my house for a little while" kind of way. In the "I'll pray for you" and you actually pray kind of way. In the text or email to tell you you're doing a good job kind of way.


Never in my life have I been a girls girl. In my wildest dreams I never imagined my kitchen counter lined up with cards and notes of encouragement from other women. And next to them, new life sprouting, growing with us. I never imagined that a group of women would regularly cross my threshold to talk about life and cheer one another on in good times and bad.

But that's why I get for using my imagination instead of God's. It was when I listened and obeyed that I got what I needed. And I got so much more.

If you find yourself reading this, lonely and desperate, know that it doesn't have to be that way! Put yourself out there! Grab a few girlfriends! We started our group by reading the book Desperate together. Reach out to other women in your life! I promise that you are not the only one who is longing for friendship.

And you can always come here. A place where we can laugh, and cry, and be in it together. Because life is hard. Motherhood is hard. Being a wife is hard. This world is hard. And here, in this space, you are not alone.

4 comments:

  1. I need details on how you started it. I am feeling the same. And this is the second time someone I've known has started a "mom's group."

    I think I need to do the same.

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  2. I'm with Hannah. I am not socially smart and I keep waiting for someone to approach ME, which apparently is never gong to happen. I'm tired of fear. And I'm tired of being alone.

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  3. Dear Kelly,
    I thank God for you reaching out and starting our book club every.single.day.
    You are a tremendous blessing and a wonderful friend.
    And here...thanks for inviting all of us to journey with you here. Once again, you put yourself out there and once again, you will see God bless you and others in a new way.
    <3

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  4. How very brave and very inspired of you... So happy to find you here - in the blogosphere! And so happy to see that your book club has evolved into a sisterhood... which is something we ALL need! Can't wait to read more, my friend!

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